Blood Vs. Energy: an insight to diversity of beliefs and avoiding prejudice regarding Identity.

I’d like to share a true story, or at least attempt to. This story is about opposing beliefs, or diversity.

When I found my first organized group/forum and began *awakening* into the subject of Real/Living Vampires, I had no idea what to believe, I had very little real understanding, and a lot of doubt but I was full of curiosity and a desire to learn.

Now, among the subculture/identity group/online community that gathers under the umbrella of “vampire”, there’s been a long time debate (even self described “wars”) regarding what makes a vampire legitimate and which variety of vampires are The True ones. Is it energy/metaphysical? Is it blood/physical? Is it both or neither?

The particular group I gained my first basis of knowledge from taught the belief that it was all energy that vampires needed. That it was a condition of the soul (damage, deficiency, defect or something else). That even blood-feeding vampires (who were called “Sanguinarians”) only fed on blood by choice or lack of metaphysical knowledge/psionic practice (and respectively those who fed on both, did so out of preference), and that ultimately their need was for the energy within.

Due to a lot of drama, and bad press surrounding Vampires at the time, the little group I was with disclaimed any connection or affiliation with the greater Community (though, I later learned that at least 3 of the most active admins were elders or otherwise popular/recognized names of the Community). Sometime between the ages of 16 and 19, when I felt comfortable and confident in my knowledge base, regardless of my own identity, I decided to branch out. To seek out the Greater Community and see what information, experiences and further answers they might have, that maybe I didn’t expect.

I came across a well-recognized group – The Vampire Community Message Board. I didn’t assume or present myself like I knew everything, but did come across some information that contradicted what I thought I knew. There were claims, arguments even, that for some , it isn’t ever energy. That some felt, or believed, they had a very real, very physical need for blood. I questioned them, countered with the truth that I had previously been taught, was surprised that what was truth to me, nearly considered fact in my old forum, was not also truth to everyone.

I could have stuck to my guns, I could have refused to bend, to deny their claims as reality. I could have followed in the footsteps of those before me, saying that blood-*needers* were simply mentally ill, weak willed, metaphysically inept. I didn’t. Instead, I returned to my familial forum and presented them with the ideas, beliefs and information I’d gained. I asked them, what their thoughts were.

I suppose a part of me wanted some sort of support, explanations and ideas on how to explain to this new[-to-me] forum, that they were wrong. Instead, I was given explanation that different people believe different things.

Eventually, these blood-needers, over a few years time, branched out from the Greater Community. They no longer call themselves Vampires (most of them anyway), they instead call themselves Medical Sanguinarians, Medical Sanguivores or just Sanguivores. While they recognize their claims, of physical need to be a belief, or even a hypothesis. They don’t have proof. Anecdotal evidence. They have  (usually unpleasant) symptoms, they have experience of blood alleviating these symptoms. They began a movement, a community of their own. Not for validation from their peers. Not for back-scratching or ego boosting. Not to rally against the energy-needers and feeders, but because they made claims of physical reality.

Their experiences, and beliefs. Are testable, and that is their goal. They, with help from professionals (some of them scientists and doctors themselves) to test, confirm, and perhaps one day treat, what they believe to be a physical, and Absolute Truth and they continue to progress to this day.

What have I learned? A few things, most importantly I’ve learned:

  • Even if you disagree or even outright disbelieve someone else’s claims, it’s important to understand and be able to accept that people are different and that your views, your beliefs are not going to be shared by everyone.
  • Diversity is important for personal and community evolution (progress or growth), because what may be considered Absolute Truth (Objective) by a person or single group, may turn out to only be Subjective Truth (Personal).
  • That accepting the existence of others’ beliefs allows the opportunity for growth, change and well-rounded education and the formation of respectable opinions and realistic beliefs, opening the door leading to Absolute Truth..
  • Questioning, Examining and testing Subjective Reality is the path towards knowing Objective Reality.

Also, I’ve learned:
Beliefs are beliefs are opinions. Such things are subjective until they are proven otherwise.

  • We, as the human race, don’t have the technology or know-how to test and prove spiritual, non-physical and metaphysical things yet. Such things remain a part of Subjective Reality, or personal truths. Things that are only true to the individual, and may not be true for everyone. It is important to accept Absolute Reality as it is – Spiritual things, while real to us as individuals, may not be real to everyone. Spiritual experiences are subjective and personal and likely can not be recreated or proven in a way for everyone to experience in the same way.
  • Claims made of genetics, physical need, physical transformation or metamorphosis, claims relating to the physical world/realm – Are beliefs, are personal truths, unless they are proven otherwise. Being physical allows for the ability to record, test and observe. Claims of the physical world have the amazing chance at being proven, and therefore graduating from Subjective/Personal truths to Objective/Absolute Truth.
  • If you believe something of yourself, your body, or your “kind” that relates to the physical world, you should be eager to test it, prove it. You should NEVER expect, nor tell, others to believe your personal beliefs apply to them. This can be dangerous physically, mentally and/or spiritually, and potentially deadly.
    – – Examples:
    – – – Claims that you can breathe underwater or fly, then explaining your technique to someone as if they should be able to do it too, if they do exactly as you say.
    – – – Claims that you are turned or can turn someone and explaining how to make that happen..
    – – – Claims related to your bodily organs saying that such is a sign or absolute trait of an entire species or entity
    – – – Claims that you can grow physical limbs, then proceeding to claim others can too.
    – – – It is irresponsible and disgraceful to put your personal truth on anyone else before it’s safely tested and proven as Absolute Fact.

Expecting people to believe your personal claims as Absolute Fact without evidence, proof or explanation is expecting people to not think for themselves, to be gullible. Claiming personal truths as Absolute Fact is not healthy, nor is it healthy for others to blindly follow and agree with you.

Consensus and Common Agreement are not the same as Absolute Fact. *Many people believing something, doesn’t make it true* However, History with references can be Absolute Fact and can not be changed.

My Awakening

This “blog” inspired by: http://youtu.be/kuSeQuptGBU – A Real Vampire on Awakening by Poorvamp.

My awakening wasn’t quite as quick in a single moment.. and apparently too long to post on YouTube XD

Real Vampirism

Not sure how old I was, but I was in middle school (between the ages of 11 and 14), my brother actually had a video game called Soul Reaver. This was my first, ever observed depiction of a vampire who both drank blood (while the main character was in the realm of the living) and “sucked souls” (while in the realm of the dead/ethreal) as it may be termed.. This both interested, and as a child who was frequently afraid of “what’s in the dark” without being able to describe or understand why or what, frightened me.

After an interesting dream, ( as briefly described here: https://www.facebook.com/notes/amelia-nightside/just-a-dream/168621253178277 ) The method I sought to combat my fear and uneasiness one insomniatic night was to learn. I got on the family computer and did a couple of web searches “Are vampires real?” and “Real Vampires” were what I remember searching for.

I clicked on the very first link at the top of the search list, which was an article by Inanna Arthen on Earthspirit.com. This article helped me a lot in combating my fears, but also opened my mind and eyes to some similarities I found. While I kind of scoffed at the idea of my being a vampire (simply because I had never had an interest in vampires of fiction, plus at this time, they were really only fiction to me still) I did find multiple people who shared similarities with the description I had found. Some were friends, some relatives, but the one most closely resembling the description was me, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

Around 13-14, I had my maternal and closest, most cherished grandmother pass away, a great aunt (paternal) (whom I wasn’t really in-the-know about) pass away and my father (protector, idol and best friend) was more or less ripped out of my life, at my hand, due to some personal demons of his being discovered. [1-2 years later my maternal grandfather also passed away. ]

At this time I had started becoming incredibly curious with spirituality and religion. My mother was looking for comfort and support in this way, and I tagged along out of sheer desire to learn. Everything was pretty well Christian based, but I was doing my own research on the side as well, asking as many questions as possible.

I was also beginning to stray a bit from mainstream ideals. I found myself on a web community for the “Gothic & Industrial lifestyles” in which I felt most at home. It wasn’t very long before I made a very close friend on that site. This friend introduced me, once again, to the world of Real Vampires via a webforum on this site.. Again, I didn’t think I would fit in at all , didn’t really care if I was one of them or not, but wanted to learn. My friend, during this time, also came out to me as a vampire, claimed he was empathic and made some subtle insinuations that this desire to learn wasn’t just innocent curiosity, and that I NEEDED to learn….

While I was socializing and learning a brother of mine and his small group of friends had begun dabbling in magicks and such. Some focused on basic energy manipulation, one went down the path of being a “dark” solitary witch (or so that’s how he made it out), they all dabbled a bit in “hunting” entities (such as evil spirits and the like. Purposely going into cemeteries and drawing out these entities). The “dark solitary witch” is the friend who, around this time began taking more of an interest in me and would sneak out of my brother’s room to come talk to me.

I never mentioned vampires to this guy, but discussed nearly everything else.

At this time I had been experiencing an increasing number of various paranormal(ish) phenomena. Anything from Dream travel, shared dreams, remote viewing, prophetic dreams, I perceived spirits and such entities more frequently and more intensely (sensing and seeing) .. It had gone on all my life as far as I can remember, but my awakening brought it on much stronger.

I also found myself experiencing incredible mood swings, with breakdowns (generally bouts of uncontrollable random crying, or an incredible urge to run, fly and rip out of my own skin). I eventually found the term Empathy, and upon further investigation realized that my “explosions” and mood swings were due to both this and the fact that I had not been controlling the energy within me. I was not actively feeding, nor was I doing anything to filter, shield or any such necessities of an empath or psychic/psionic/pranic/energy vampire.

This actually wound up with me seeing a number of professional psychologists/psychiatrist/counselors both in school and outside of, for a number of reasons (because of the family drama/trauma that had gone one, as well as my own instabilities mentally and emotionally – the paranormal experiences and mood swings – I wanted answers, and though I did not get them from the doctors, I felt it was a safe place to try).

Between my brother’s friend, my online friend and the information available to me, I was awakening to my abilities in energy manipulation and to my nature as a Vampire (whether I accepted the term or not)..

I practiced long-distance draws with a number of online-friends I’d made overtime and found that such alleviated my frequent headaches (had a migraine nearly every single day for a year when I was 13) and took the intensity off the mood swings. I began recognizing my auto-feeds (when I’d draw from a classroom, or particular classmate subconsciously) and found 1 classmate particularly interesting in that he would look right at me every once in a while during these draws (though it didn’t help that I was frantic in trying to stop it, and my body and facial language likely gave it away that I was uncomfortable) as if he was aware of what was happening..

It was suggested at some point during this time to try blood, which thankful for my boyfriend of the time, I was allowed to.

Therians & Otherkin

While in that online community, I was also introduced to the subject of Therians and Otherkin. Now, I have nearly always perceived phantom wings throughout my life, and had a very strong fondness and connection with wolves.

Though I did not understand it as anything more than mundane at the time, I expressed this “connection” as a young child (4-8 years old) through dreams (dream shifting), day dreams (fantasizing), role playing in games like “house” – instead of the pet dog, I was a cat or a protective wolf. I also created myself imaginary heros and characters such as Wonder Wolf (a wolf who could communicate telepathically with people, shape shift and fly) I often also pretended to be something of a gryphon having feline & wolf characteristics and wings. Whether separate entities or not, I’ve always felt they all were of the same whole, so expressing it all at once in some hybridized form just made sense to me.

– For the record my favorite animal(s) as a kid were numerous, though the wolf  (and felidae) always stayed in the back of my mind in some way, I personally claimed monkeys, pandas and horses, most frequently, as my favorite animals.-

Anyway, the community I was in had a number of self-identifying therians, to which I took with an open mind and a grain of salt. I loved the friends I made, regardless of what they thought they were. The subject itself I took in the same way, at first, that I did with Vampirism. I kept an open mind, as some things clicked, but at first didn’t think it would apply to me, so I just focused on what I knew, learning one thing at a time.

Around 16 or so is when I started entertaining the thought of possible Therianthropy and/or being otherkin. I began spreading out to other online communities besides the one I’d started on, I learned much more and slowly came to accept myself in this way as well.. I began recognizing more intense, and more frequent, phantom limbs, mental shifts and the like.

Conclusion as of this date.

I currently identify as (though feel my learning process, even 10 years later is not nearly finished) an Empath (though not needed to state I guess), Pranic/Energy/Psionic/Psychic Vampire. Polymorph(ic), Clado-feline & Timber wolf Therian/Otherkin.

The Vampirism is an aspect of my self as is the empathy. The therian/otherkin-ity are all separate creatures but of the same entity (me).

In a sense, I guess you could say I don’t know how or why I’ve come to be a vampire, Never really figured it out that far, though knowing that I am, at least in this life, I just am. I’m comfortable with myself and don’t NEED to know the how or why, just have to live with it as best I can.  Being therian/otherkin is more like having previous lives and those creatures are imprinted upon me as part of my identity, but I never felt, or remember, being such a hybridized form. The wolf, is a typical wolf, as is the Feline. The polymorph, I’m still trying to figure out if it’s truly an identity as an entity or if it was an aspect of me (Is it like the wolf and feline, or is it more like the empathy and vampirism).

My wings seem to be the most interesting, They are completely rooted in who/what I am, but I don’t know how or why. I don’t feel as if my wolf or feline forms have wings, but with the fact I have them, and often (though not always) experience them alongside my shifts and Hunger I wonder if they should.

.. I guess it’s as if, the wolf and feline are the past, they are still me but being human physically they are not at the front, they are a part of me, but as a memory, an impression. I’d love to be them again and feel either would be my “true” form, but the wings are much more strongly apparent. It’s very difficult to explain, I don’t understand it, which makes it that much more interesting…